Bittersweet

Can you believe it? 6 months ago today I welcomed my precious little miracle into this world. She has had us captivated by her sweet smile since day one. I can still remember exactly how I felt our first night together. The nurse brought her back to the room after her bath and doctor “check up” around 3 am. She said, ‘here you go’, and walked right out. I turned to Joseph and just balled. I said, “I don’t know what I’m doing!” I didn’t think I’d know what to do if she was sick, how I would know what each cry meant, if I’d hold her right, if I’d feed her right. All these thoughts were racing through my head. But, little did I know that the Lord truly does give mothers an intuition.

I will never forget my first look at her. I have tears filling my eyes as I am typing this now. I remember seeing her head first as the doctor handed her over to me. My mom had the camera and I remember crying and putting my hand to my chest.


There is no other word to describe my emotion other than: OVERCOME. I was overwhelmingly overcome with the love, the deep, deep love I already felt for her. Then her little body made it’s way to my arms and I saw those beautiful eyes. I looked at her and my heart right then skipped a beat. I have never, in all of my life, felt the power of Jesus so strongly. It was as if the whole world had stopped and I had everything I ever needed right in my arms. That was the best day of my life. I get sad reminiscing it. I guess I should say it’s bittersweet. Don’t get me wrong, I love watching Ady at the age she is now. I love dreaming about her walking and then running to the park with her daddy and I. I dream about brushing her long hair and braiding it for her. But, my heart will always miss the magic of that first day. How lucky am I to have had the opportunity to carry her into this world and witness the truly breathtaking experience of her grand entrance into this world!

My hope and prayer is that someday Ady will come to know this love, this unbelievable joy there is in being a mother. I will always consider myself beyond blessed for being granted what man said was impossible without “intervention”. How precious will it be when Ady learns that the doctor said she would never have happened without their medicine? And then the joy on her face that will be there when I tell her she happened with no medicine! That Jesus had a special, special plan for her life and He knew that her story could change lives and bring people to Him.



I marvel at how Ady is growing. I don’t want to blink. I don’t want to miss it! Here’s what’s going on in Ady’s world:

Food: She’s getting about 4 oz of milk around 8:00 each morning along with a fruit and 2 ½ tbsp of rice cereal. She loves every fruit I give her. But, she’s going to be like her daddy and not be too keen on those veggies! At around noon she gets a veggie (usually sweet potoatoes-the only one she’ll eat with out a “fight”!) and about 5 oz milk. Around 4 she gets 6 oz milk, and sometimes, if she’s napped ok, she’ll take another fruit. But, we just never know ☺ Then, she gets an 8 oz bottle around 7:30-8 at night. She is still getting rice cereal in each bottle. I was giving her A LOT more solids before but when she was so sick I stopped because she just wanted a bottle only, and we’ve not yet made our way back to them all.

Sleep: At night she sleeps about 11-12 hours. She usually wakes up anywhere from 2-5 times crying for her paci. Half of those times by the time I make it into her room, she’s already back to sleep. Naps are still not very solid. She always takes a good 35-40 minute nap after she’s been up about 2 hours in the morning. Then, if we’re at home it’s cat naps all day. If we’re running errands and in and out of the car she can easily sleep 2 hours. But, this luck has not yet passed on to our hometime days.


Development: She is loving clapping her hands. She is almost sitting up 100% unassisted! She is reaching and grabbing for EVERYTHING. She talks, squeals, laughs, babbles, all day long! She is rolling from tummy to back and pushing up a lot when she is on her tummy. She is digging her feet and legs into the ground and acting like she wants to move. When you hold her she is a WIGGLE worm. She just wants to move! If you hold her and are within reach of any object at all she will grab it! And everything, I mean everything goes into her mouth.

Favorites: Mommy. I think she’s a little attached ☺ She loves watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. She is literally glued and gets the BIGGEST smile on her face when it comes on. She talks to him too. It’s just precious. She loves her baby dolls and pulling all their hair out. Speaking of hair: she is also currently obsessed with pulling her bows out. ☺ She smiles and laughs when I see her. She’s on to me! And, contrary to popular belief she actually has a lot of hair. But, unfortunately the headbands and bows hide that from the photos. It's going to be curly like her mommy and daddys!

The toothless wonder: I know I said when she was about 4 months old her tooth came in. I thought it did. But, mommy was mistaken. Her gum split at 4 months and we have been waiting, and waiting, and waiting for it to come. I was told once it split, the tooth was in. It’s so close I can hardly stand it! Her gums are very swollen and I think she’s working on splitting the next bottom gum and poking that tooth out too.

Size: We have her check up on March 10, so I’ll know weight/height then. She is still wearing some 0-3 month clothes, but is mostly in 3-6 months. The pants are a little too long if they’re 6 months. But, the 3-6 month onesies are almost too short, but too big width wise. I think she may be hard to fit!

Reflux: On 30 mg Prevacid (15 mg in the AM before her breakfast and 15 mg before her nighttime bottle), she is GREAT! Spitting still? Yes. But. It’s strange. Monday I gave her a Stage 2 food for breakfast and she didn’t spit a DROP! I thought it was the thicker consistency. But, I was mistaken once again. I gave her the EXACT amount yesterday and she spit a lot. It is weird how some days she spits more than others. But, she is happy and that’s really all that matters. I will say for now her spiting doesn’t seem massive. But, as you know all too well, it comes in spurts. So, tomorrow she could very well be back to massive amounts of spitting. I, however, am at a peace about her reflux. She's made strides and I think we've finally found what worked.



I am loving every second of being Ady’s mommy. There is so much joy, more than I could ever express into words.. I never doubted the power of God, but never in a million years did I imagine my story ending up with a baby carried by myself. It’s a little bittersweet because I know that the only way I became pregnancy with Ady was because of all the people praying for the Lord to rid my body of the mess going on. I prayed and asked for “one little miracle” and knew that I’d be okay with adopting the rest. But, I’d be lying if I said the thought of me not having another baby again was okay with me. The pain that I once endured is back just as bad as before. And so it’s a reminder of a couple things. For one, it reminds me again how truly blessed I am to have had Ady. All the pain just solidifies it. Secondly, it reminds me that we may not ever have another one ourselves.

Joseph and I have some big decisions to make and I’ve been sweeping them under the rug for the past few months just hoping they would work themselves out. But now we’ve got to do something about it. My doctor has advised me to go ahead and have my children now, (assuming we will be able to again). The clock is ticking. A part of me doesn’t want to try. I don’t want to deal with the heartbreak of every single month, the disappointment. Please don’t misunderstand me. I KNOW that God CAN perform a miracle again, but I also know that doesn’t mean He WILL. I truly feel in my heart that Ady was my one miracle and the rest will be granted to me another way. My heart wants to adopt, and if I were to be completely honest with you I would tell you that adoption has been heavy on my heart for a long time. But for right now, we are praying for God’s guidance for my physical body and for knowing exactly what to do. Because doing nothing is not an option. But, trusting God, praying for His voice to lead us to the correct place in His timing IS an option. And if the Lord in His infinite wisdom chooses to grant us another child in my womb, then I will again see it as another miracle. But, if He doesn’t, then I know His plan is far greater than anything I could think of myself.

If you are blessed with a baby and reading this, please consider yourself very, very blessed. I know far too many people who will never, EVER have the joy of feeling a baby kick inside of them or experience the joy of watching a baby enter this world. My heart hurts for them because I had truly prepared myself for that myself. But for the grace of God, I didn’t have to endure it.


Know that I thank and praise Jesus for giving me the greatest gift of all, the gift of life! Thank you to all of you who have followed the journey of our “one little miracle”. We praise Jesus for granting us the desire of our hearts and for making our biggest dream come true Happy 6 month birthday, Miss Adyline!