The storm before the calm?

I am no longer going to say when things get better. Inevitably, they always get worse after I say it. This morning I had the bananas all ready for her to eat. I just couldn't give them to her. The consistency of me making them just didn't "feel" right for me. So, in a mad dash rush I ran as fast as I could to the store while Joseph was feeding her the cereal. (Which, might I add, she screamed the entire time he was feeding her. Mommy walked in, and she was fine). I bought store bought baby food of bananas. Just to try. I noticed when I bought it, the label said "second step". I was assuming they "recommended" bananas after the "first step" were used. Wrong. I don't even think I made eye contact with a store employee, I wore my pajamas, I was clearly not thinking the brightest. Well....I made it home, fed her the bananas. She LOVED them.


I noticed that she was acting full, but I persisted. I kept hearing the doctor saying, "eat, eat, eat solids, solid, solids". Then I offered her the bottle. She kept pushing it away. She didn't want it. So, she didn't get a morning bottle. Moral of the story: "second step" is a larger portion. She ate double what she "should" eat now. But, I"ll tell you one thing: she didn't spit much, (of course she will always be a spitter), and there was NO fussing or burps AT ALL. It was glorious.

This afternoon-not the same story. I fed her her yummy sweet potatoes for lunch and then only 4 ounces of formula. For 2 hours she spit, and spit, and spit again. The culprit? I think it's the milk. She screamed her head off for 2 minutes when I was burping her. Once the burp came up, she was happy as a lark. Strange that this morning she was fine and had no milk in her system. The solution? I don't know. I know she has to be on milk. But, will soy or a different kind make a difference? She got a dose of 15 mg Prevacid last night and a dose of 15 mg Prevacid this morning. Hopefully, we'll see a better night and day tomorrow.

We took her on a date with mommy and daddy out to eat today and she was so much fun. We put her in the highchair and she spit all over the floor. The worker was hilarious and said, "oh, no!" Obviously, they're not equipped with babies :) Ha! We didn't think another thing of it. I don't know how to behave if my baby stops spitting!! I'm so used to having 5-6 extra bibs and burp cloths in my bag.

Maybe after she starts getting 2 solids before her lunch bottle I'll see a difference. On Tuesday, we shall see. By Friday she will be getting 6 solids. Can't wait! :) I hope so badly she'll start packing on those pounds :)

Can this please be the storm before the calm?

Learning to let go

Ady has had a rough few days. Although you'd never be able to tell by her pictures. She is a very happy go lucky baby, but our feeding times (and between feeding times) have become battlegrounds again. She's back to screaming out in pain and it's horrible. I talked with her doctor's nurse yesterday after she had spoken with him. She relayed to me that he really wanted us to come in and discuss our "options". "What are our options, I asked?" She didn't know.

So, we went this morning. And I'm so thankful we went. I am beyond thankful for her doctor, one who finally listened and helped. In 9 days she has gained 2.5 oz. She's not losing weight, but not gaining a lot. (An average baby gains about 8 oz in 7 days). She's been getting a LOT of cereal since 4-5 weeks old (I can't exactly remember when it started) and a "normal" baby receiving that many calories would be a true chunker. She's just not.

So we found out several things:

1. Stop the applesauce for now. He said to try it again in a month.

2. Give her Prevacid 2 x a day when this happens. (although it's "not recommended" for her weight/age, she needs it when these escapades happen again.)

3. Everyday give her the Prevacid at night instead of morning should help the insomnia on mommy's end. Having to wake up every 30 min-1 hour. He said no way is it her teeth causing all this pain. She is waking up to extreme acid burning her esophagus. (Breaks my heart to hear it like that).

4. When she needs that extra Prevacid dose, give it in the morning/lunchtime.

5. SOLIDS, SOLIDS, SOLIDS. He wants her on 6 solids per day within a week. THIS is why I love this doctor. It doesn't matter that she's almost 5 months old. She can't be compared to what a "textbook" says it "right". You have to take each baby and determine what's best for their situation.

6. Unfortunately "most" GER babies outgrow this much sooner than Ady and don't need medicine. She has a very severe case of it. :(

7. Her cereal she eats by a spoon must be much thicker than "normal" baby's cereal due to her problems.

8. She likes sweet potatoes, so he says "give her those EVERYDAY just so we make sure she's getting solids we know she'll take".

9. He wants to see her back in 2 weeks to reevaluate her weight, the issues, and determine where we go from there.

The "harsh reality" is that she has a pretty rough case. Meaning, she can't be compared to another baby with reflux. Guess what? ALL babies have "reflux". However, all babies do not have these issues like Ady does.

The other harsh reality is that I can't control it. There's nothing I can do but release it to the Lord. It's hard to watch her go through this, to see that she's not gaining a lot of weight. Yes, it's enough to get by. But, the hamper is full (after 24 hours). FULL. I remember the doctor that initially suggested putting cereal in her bottle said "she'll get chunky"! With all she's had, she's by no means what I would call "chunky". It just reiterates that she is not holding a lot of down. Enough to manage, yes. But, still not much. I had spoken too soon when I said it was getting better. It appears it's getting worse.

But, we're on the road for an answer now. Her doctor really feels that once we get through this "bump" over the next week or so of her finally getting 6 full solids, she'll be so much better. Let's hope.

As for now, I'm going to let go and let God hold His little princess in His arms. He knows what He's doing. She's been a part of His plan. He has used her story of coming into this world to bring Him glory and people to their knees. We can only trust that the same will happen and all we will see from now on is healing to the erosion of her esophagus. And that the spitting, pain, and restlessness will be restored!

I think this sums it up: "If we are going to teach our children to one day trust God with their lives, we must begin by trusting God with their lives."-Joel Strahan

For better....or worse.

Ady is completely stocked up for the next few weeks on homemade food. My friend Ashley said it was rewarding to make her baby's food and now I realize what she meant. It IS rewarding. I know exactly what I'm putting into my baby's body and knowing that I made it for her is exciting :) I decided yesterday to make it ALL up and freeze. It took me a while, but worth it. I stocked the freezer up. And made a HUGE mess :)

We started her on solid food at 4.5 months. "Some" say it's too early. "Some" say it's fine. If I've learned anything through this "experience", it's you can't make your baby be a textbook. "Oh if you do Babywise, your baby will sleep through the night" "Oh don't start solids, they'll get allergies." And, "Oh, if you stop nursing your baby will get sick." Geez. I'm so sick of it. But, really it was the same with pregnancy. People that freaked if you ate something you weren't "supposed" to. I think the reality is, we're a culture living in fear and living on what might happen.

Ady NEEDED to start solids because of her spitting. She loved the sweet potatoes. LOVED them. Hated avocadoes, but then again so did I. She's been getting apple juice, so I thought for sure homemade applesause would be fine, but I've noticed that the past 3 days she's been super fussy and arching her back again in pain She has a precious personality, but I do believe she's been hurting. My mind flashed back to months ago when I was crying everyday trying to deal with a baby that just screamed all day out in pain. It's strange that the juice didn't bother her, but this did. I assume it must be the dilution of the juice and other "ingredients" in it.

Moral of the story: for now, no more apples. I did read on a website they can be acidic. Can be? You either ARE acidic, or you're not. Ady may actually not be able to eat fruits for a while. They seem to upset her tummy. And the past 3 days she's spit MASSIVE amounts, much more than usual. Makes me wonder since the spitting had basically STOPPED with sweet potatoes .

I love her. She's precious and so happy. But, poor little girl has had a tough time since she was born.
She is having a horrible time sleeping at night. Horrible. I'm up about every 30 min-an hour from about 3:00 on. She cat naps and it's getting worse. But, I'm wondering if it's not from the recent apple escapade. I did read that GER babies have very difficult time sleeping because of the acid coming back up. The Nutramagien (lactose free formula) with the Prevacid is helpful, but I guess it's not a cure :(. In the hope that my story will help someone else. (Because, let's face it. You may say "My baby won't have that". But...you never know!), I'm going to write a book or an article on it. It was such a struggle, so hard to understand why all she did was scream. I'd like to know that I could maybe help someone else going through it.

We've had to make "lifestyle changes". And I say that loosely. Nothing drastic. I just know, for example, I can't put her immediately in car after a feeding. The pressure on her tummy is too great. I know that she needs to get her medicine with plenty of time after a feeding so she won't spit it and plenty of time before the next feeding so it'll help. Can't place her flat, burp often during feedings, etc. All in a days work I suppose!

Loving my miracle, though. She was worth the long road to bring her into this world and she's been worth the weeks I've "tried to forget" that all we BOTH did was scream (really, I just cried, but you get the point). Hoping after today's green beans, there won't be any more squirmy bubbles, burps, and pains for a while. Actually, how about forever?


Stay tuned, readers. Mommy's going to write a book!

How sweet it is...

....to be loved by you! I am amazed at how much more I fall in love with Ady each day. She is growing and if I blink, I'll miss something. It makes me beyond grateful that I get to stay home with her each day and watch her talk and giggle and move around. She is becoming so mobile! "They" say babies crawl between 6-9 months. I think she'll be crawling within the next month. Today I put her on her tummy and she was moving both of her legs like crazy. Watch out, world! She's on the move!

I have reminisced at how miraculous it was to feel her moving inside of me and looked at hundreds of pictures that tell just how tiny this baby was when she was first born:


She was so small. I remember feeling very scared. I didn't know what I was doing. But, one thing I knew for sure was that I would spend every second for the rest of my life protecting this precious little life. I think my face shows just a little of that emotion :)



Ady is in Stage 2 diapers, eating cereal 2 times a day and eating solids for lunch. As of right now our feeding schedule is as follows:

7:30 Cereal
8:00 Bottle
10:00 She gets her Prevacid, which shes LOVES :)
11:30 A Veggie or fruit
12:00 Bottle
4:00 Bottle
5:30 Cereal-Sitting at the dinner table with mommy and daddy looking so big :)
6:30 Apple/Prune Juice
8:30 Night time bottle. Which...tada! Lasts until 7:30 or 8 the next morning.


We had thought right after Christmas that our nights were so rough because she was waking up hungry in the night (she had already been doing 11-12 hours between night time bottles at that point). So, with the advice of some friends we decided to wake her at midnight and feed her. It worked one night I think. Then, I've spent the past 3 weeks about to pull my hair out from exhaustion. She'd wake every 30 min-hour literally. I have come to find out that prior to the midnight bottle she was teething (which was causing all those wake up times!). She really didn't need more food. So, last week I decided I wouldn't wake her up and if she needed a 3 am bottle, well...we'd deal with it. And guess what? Little lady went 11 hours 20 minutes. I think waking her must have disturbed that sleeping pattern. Last night she was up a lot. I think her gums are hurting her again. But, she is such a big girl. SO happy ! We had a long road to get to this point! I'm very very thankful to have a baby no longer screaming out in pain.

Currently, Ady is not really sleeping much during the day. She cat naps 3-4 times a day 20-40 minutes each time. She's staying awake a lot more and having so much fun watching mommy cook. I'm telling her all about it :) She loves her cereal, can't get enough of it! Sweet potatoes were a hit, avocados weren't. Why did I even try? They smell gross. I didn't even try to force it. I just wanted to gag. I just took some sweet potatoes already made that were in the freezer and we called it a day! I mad2 12 servings of applesauce this afternoon. We'll try that the next 3 days. But, she LOVES her apple juice so I know it'll be a hit :)

Next on the menu and in mommy's pantry to cook up and freeze: butternut squash, green beans, carrots, mango, pears, bananas. Yummo!

Have I mentioned how much I love this little girl?


I am truly blessed beyond measure.

One potato, two potato.

Ady tried her first sweet potato this morning. She LOVED it! Yay, Ady! She was definitely getting bored with the cereal, so today we switched to veggies. The hope is she won't spit as much. How this child continues to gain weight surprises me. The odd thing? She gets her bottle after food and today, she spit massive amounts. But, was it orange? Nope. Nada. All formula. Fingers crossed solid foods are our help!

I am making all her baby food. Last night I made her sweet potatoes, enough for 8 servings. And it cost me how much? $1.04. Oh, you say you can't do it? Too busy? Nah. I did it once Joseph got home. Piece of cake. And super healthy for her and a lot cheaper for mommy and daddy. Everybody wins!






Next on the menu: homemade avocado!

Getting Easier.

Whoever (or whomever) said a mother doesn't work was seriously misunderstood. I will, however, say that it is getting easier. I have learned a lot over the past four months. I am getting the juggling down. You know the never ending laundry, the dishes, the vacumming, the cleaning the floors after my dogs bring in mud, letting 3 dogs out, letting 3 dogs back in, making bottles, feeding Ady, cleaning bottles, changing diapers, trying to squeeze in a shower each day, making supper for Joseph, whew! It's no easy task! My mom mentioned to me the other day that I had basically done this all on my own (with the help of Joseph at nights, of course). I never really stopped to recognize it. I didn't have a mom in town who could come whenever I needed to watch her or stay up at night so I could get some rest. Granted, my mom would've come if I'd asked and she has come a few times, but for the most part I've done it on my own. Realizing that makes me proud. I can do it! I've done it! Now I can have more. Only kidding about that part. Some days I'd love the thought of more children. Then others, I can't imagine loving another child more. I know this is something every mother goes through. For now, I am trusting that in God's infinite wisdom and perfect timing, He will place a child into our lives in His perfect way. I am too busy now enjoying the joy this little girl is bringing to my life. Ady loves to do patty cake. She cracks up whenever I sing it: Joseph took a day off work to spend with us earlier this week. We stayed in our pj's and snuggled with Ady all day. And snuck in a completed family photo with our 3 doggies :) The cereal was getting easier. Today, she didn't want it until after her bottle, which poses a problem. When placed in her highchair at that angle after a feeding everything spits out and she cries in pain. Oh well, such is life. We'll figure it all out soon :) Here are a few pictures to recap the last several feedings: She really just wants to use her fingers, not her spoon: She is such a happy and precious girl. I am truly blessed. I just can't thank God enough for her. Last night I snuck a peek of her in her "baby hammock". She looked just like an angel: So what if it's an 8 degree wind chill, inside we are dreaming (and planning) our trip to the beach. She looked so stinking cute in this outfit. Soon, daddy will move us to a place a little more tropical where we can enjoy this weather all the time :) I think now she's got this camera thing down. She's looking at it and working it :) Aunt Stella wanted a picture of Ady in the bow and adorable socks she got her for Christmas. And, it just so happened the onesie Miss Erin got Ady for Christmas went perfect with the combo :) Ady has been, for a while, obsessed with the mirror. I got some funny pictures of her today, but this one is pretty cute :) She's a little bit "nosey" like my dad would call it. Into what is going on! I have no idea where she gets this from....
Ady falls asleep pretty early at night. Usually between 6-6:30. Well....let me rephrase that. Right now, that's what she's doing. But next week it might be a completely different story. Joseph usually rocks her to sleep while I'm cleaning up from dinner. Tonight, I wasn't feeling well so I cleaned up dinner while Joseph was eating since I didn't eat anything. I had Ady and was in her room getting ready to rock her to sleep (I know, I wasn't going to do that anymore, but oh well. Sue me. I rock my baby to sleep and -gasp-even held her the entire time for her 3 hour nap the other day). I put her in her "position" to be rocked, you know? The one where she knows that's what is going to happen. I'm with her all day, and do you know what she did? Cried. Boo hoo'd. Joseph scooped her up and she balled herself up in his arms. Broke mommy's heart, in a good way. She just wanted her daddy to put her to sleep. And luckily she has the best little daddy who couldn't think of anything else in the world more important than doing just that. :)

Celebrations.

We took Ady to Build a Bear last week on Joseph's day off so that Ady could use some of her money from Tatay and Biggie to make a special "Tatay" bear.


We had so much fun with her. She LOVED watching the lady make it. She just talked and talked to her :)


Here is "Maggie":


Ady is growing more every day. She is very much into her hands. She loves to touch them and put them together. She's really grabbing at her dollys and loves them. And she LOVES patty cake! So precious.



She had her 4 month check up last week and the poor baby was sick, sick, sick! She weighs 13 lbs 11 oz and is 24.1 inches long. She's growing, but still a petite little lady :) She did enter this world at 6 lb 4 oz, so she's got some catching up to do. Her shots were horrible, she had a terrible cold, AND cut her first tooth. We had some rough, rough days. She slept on mommy most of the time. So precious:

But, then she came back to her happy self :)



I celebrated my 25th birthday on Sunday and it was perfect. Look at my sweet little princess :)



We were going to go to Furlong's to celebrate the day, but it didn't quite turn out as expected. (All of you parents reading aren't surprised). Ady needed her bottle, but since she can not be placed in her car seat after a feeding, I had to wait to feed her once we got to the restaurant. I thought I must have passed it, but then realized it was no longer called Furlong's. In a state of panic I rushed to the first place I could think of getting to, El Mariachi. It was really all for Caden anyways. He wanted me to wear a sombraro, so what Caden wants, Caden gets:


And guess what? Furlong's does still exist. It's just been renamed to Onizim's Furlongs and "Onizim's" was in very large font. "Furlong's" was below it. Did I mention I turned 25? My eyes are no longer my friend. I used to pride myself in having perfect eyesight. No more. Oh well, it was fun. Moral of the story: Ady needed to eat. Fast. So, we ate wherever we could get to the quickest.

Joseph surprised me with a new Rachael Ray knife, 'Mastering the Art of French Cooking: Volume 2' (I got Volume 1 for Christmas), and a one hour massage at a salon. Yes! :) My mom and dad got me the new nook. I'm having a hard time figuring it out since my time is a little limited :) I'm hoping to get to Barnes and Noble this weekend and have someone really explain it well to me!


Rachel and I are going to see NKOTB and BSB in June in Nashville. I can NOT wait!


I remember last year's birthday so vividly. I just wanted to cry all day. Well, actually I did just cry all day. It wasn't exciting. But, there was a little girl already growing inside me, defying all odds and I wasn't aware yet. THIS year on my birthday, there was a true smile with me in front of my cake, instead of a fake one from before.

Ady was "supposed" to start cereal last Wednesday. She was SO SO SO sick that the doctor suggested waiting until she was back to normal. Well. We did. She's not too sure about it. But, one thing is for sure. She is like feeding an octupus :) I thought I did lots of laundry before. I wash every two days, no joke. Now, well....let's just say we don't need a hamper anymore. All items will just go straight to the washing machine.


There are many things I am grateful for this year. I am so thankful for another year, another "chance" at life. I am growing and learning more each day. I have accepted the challenges and cards that have been dealt and feel that in the past 4 months alone I have grown 25 years. I don't feel like quite the little girl I once was before. I am thankful for the struggle to have Ady. I appreciate her more each day. It was the best thing that could have happened to my marriage. Joseph and I learned how to lean on each other together and grow in our faith as we anticipated the goodness of God.

I know what it's like to truly work and long for something so desperately. And, thankfully, the Lord granted me the desire of my heart. I am thankful for my family that made my birthday special, as they always have. This year, I think (aside from Ady herself), I am most thankful for the chance to stay home with her. I am thankful for my hard working husband who allows me to do this. I have taken a lot of grief over this decision. It's very hard to compute and make sense of. I know that I did what was best for Joseph, myself, but most importantly a little girl named Ady. If that makes me unsuccessful in the eyes of others, then that is the greatest compliment I could ever receive. Because....at the end of the day, all that matters is one little miracle.