Unanswered Prayers.

"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers, just because He may not answer, doesn't mean He doesn't care" A popular 90's country song that captivated the hearts of America. One that has, for the past 3 years, been on my heart. You see, Lexington, for me did not stir up happy moments. Joseph and I began our marriage 3 years ago on very, very rocky soil. We had a lot that we experienced that many will never understand (or even know the details of). On top of that within 2 months we had: graduated college, gotten married, moved to a new town, and started brand new jobs.

I can remember sobbing often as I came home from my first teaching job. It just wasn't what I had expected based on my experiences in student teaching. I came home so unhappy and Joseph was such an encouragement to me. I had no friends. I had just graduated college and was used to being around dozens of my sorority sisters. I moved away, got married, and all of a sudden the world felt very dark. Within a matter of weeks, the sole reason we moved, Joseph lost his job. I can vividly remember going out back and raising my hands up to the Lord. My heart, was aching. To say I was miserable was to put it mildly. I wanted a way out. I resented the town so much, I wanted to go home. Joseph searched the country high and low for a job, and with the economy's first strike down a downward spiral, he was miraculously offered a job within a month. The only problem.....it was in Lexington.

The next few months were devastating. I began having excruciating pains doctors couldn't identify, all the while aching for friendships. I wondered why God had me here. Months and months passed, in fact, over a year. Then, I began to have an answer to prayers. In September of 2009 I met the best friend I have ever had, Heather. We instantly became friends. Through the past 2 years we have been through many things together and although I haven't known her that long, she has become a part of my family. I feel like I've known her my whole life. I may have found a friend, but I still wanted a way out. But, God did not answer me.

You know the Ady story, all the doctors, the fingerprints of God that worked everything together...After she was born I couldn't imagine going back to teach; I could never have imagined all that I would feel once they placed her in my arms. I met with my principal 2 weeks after Ady was born, after praying fervently about what was best for our family, and told her I wouldn't be returning. Everything went great, she was so kind to me. And 4 weeks later, I received an email from someone kind enough to tell me that my belongings had all been placed outside by the dumpster. To this day, the principal has yet to speak to me or apologize. I went through so many emotions. I was angry, confused, so very hurt. And to top it off, almost every "friend" I made there turned out not to be one. I have no idea what "rumors" were told. It seemed strange to me that I was literally hated and mocked just because I chose to be a stay at home mom. Only God knows the truth. And He is the One who will judge. I spent months in tears questioning my character and decision. Here I was a new mom, with a screaming reflux baby, no family to help, and then my belongings go to the dumpster and I lost the closest thing to "family" (my work family) that I had here. It felt like the world was falling apart. I wanted to run, but God said no.

Joseph began immediately applying for jobs in Louisville to get me away from this town I so desperately wanted out of. But God still said no. Months and months passed, and finally Memorial Day weekend I decided that although I was beyond hurt at what some people in Lexington had done, God had me here for a purpose. I knew I couldn't let someone else's actions take away my happiness. I felt that I had released my plans to the Lord. Then, Joseph got a call.

We didn't want to get our hopes up, but it was a dream job for him in Louisville. I knew I'd have to immediately find a teaching job and in this economy it's not easy. I had been applying in Fayette County, even applied to do dozens of things outside of teaching. It is not my desire to work outside the home, but something has to change. Joseph and I started off our marriage in some financial trouble and this past year has been beyond difficult for us. We need to find another source of income. Unfortunately, with Joseph's student loans (I am SO thankful to my parents for paying for my school for me!), soon to be 2 car payments, medical bills, still paying off our honeymoon and other expenses from the beginning, have taken over our small bank account. Every. Single. Door was closing here in Lexington. So we felt it was God opening a door.

We prayed for wisdom and 2 weeks later Joseph set up an interview with the place in Louisville. The night before he went, I received a call from the principal where I student taught in Louisville, telling me she had a position for me. I took that as an open door. He went to his interview and fell in love. We spent the weekend praying and asking those around us to be praying for wisdom and for God to open and close doors for us. For it to be very clear what His plan was. And I received what I thought was the peace that passes understanding. Sunday of that same weekend, the principal where I student taught told me she had a 2nd grade opening and really would like me to be there. It seemed things were going so well. But then, God said no.

Less than 7 days ago, I was being the OCD planner that I am. I had already met with a realtor to put our house on the market, it was supposed to be up today, actually. I found a realtor in Louisville I had been contacting that was starting to look at homes in our price range, I was....well....just being me; planning. And then, God took me out of the driver's seat, as He has been doing to me my entire life. I need it, I do. But, it aches at times. You see, I thought I had released my plans, but I didn't. I still had my fingers on the plans, grasping on for dear life.

Tuesday evening Joseph received an email from the place that had basically offered him a job 4 days prior that said based on their financial situation they didn't think "personnel wise" they could hire him and offer him the salary that he desires and deserves. I was in Nashville when I found out. It was about 1:00 in the morning. I had just gotten in from a concert. I balled, and balled, and balled. I was with my family and I didn't want them to know. I prayed they wouldn't ask any questions about Joseph because I didn't know I could hold back the tears. I made it back to Lexington Wednesday evening and cried harder than I can remember doing so before. I thought God was opening doors. It seemed to be unfolding so perfectly. I have resented this town so much and wanted a way out. It has represented so much heartache to me for far too long. We started our marriage; our first night in our home in this town with so much heartache before anything else even started to fall apart. But, my prayer was for Him to open and close doors for us. And He did. He closed one, a big one in fact, just not the one I wanted.

I was all cried out; I cried for days. So much, in fact, that my eyes were burning from being so swollen. I didn't understand. But, I'm sharing this because there is a purpose. One morning this past week I read that God is not the author of confusion. You see, I thought I had a peace last weekend in Louisville, but the peace was that God would take care of me. He did not unfold the story as I would, but I have placed my trust in Him, even though I don't understand. I poured out my heart, and a lot of tears, and asked Him why I was here? Why am I in this town where I've been so hurt, where I've never wanted to be? Why can't I just go somewhere else, what is my purpose here? And I've never had this happen to me before, but I saw a visual image in my mind of a lion. It was more vivid than anything I can even put into words. It was so shocking to me that I opened my eyes because I thought I might be crazy. I closed them again, and there it was. I can't even describe it, but I immediately thought about Daniel in the lion's den. He didn't want to be there. He prayed to God, and He was thrown into the lion's den. But, what you need to know is that Daniel went to his knees and prayed as he always had before. You see, God doesn't want us to go to Him when we're in the battle. He wants us to go to Him before the battle. I have studied Daniel before and remembered a quote Beth Moore used during it:

"Satan never wastes a fiery dart on an area covered in armor".

Satan wants me to be unhappy. He wants me to doubt God. He wants me to be angry. But today, although I'm unsure, although I can't make sense of it, I choose to trust in the One who has always been faithful. He rescued Daniel and He will rescue me. I must "put on the armor" and let the enemy know that I will not fear. God is not concerned with my happiness. He is concerned with my holiness. And He can choose to do with my life whatever He wishes to do. I have the faith that He knows what is best. And, then, it hit me. I fell flat on my face, sobbing, as I was slapped with the truth of how He has already worked to make what I always saw so terrible into something that was best for our lives.

You see, had He answered my prayer during our first year of marriage to move me back, the way I wanted it to go, our marriage wouldn't be as strong today. Joseph and I were both in the bottom of the deepest pit. Both swallowing in bitterness, failed expectations, and enormous amounts of hurt. We experienced what I wouldn't ever wish on a newly married couple, it's truly a miracle we have survived. But, He used it to bring us closer to Him. Had He not moved me to Lexington, I wouldn't have met the 8 doctors and ended up meeting Dr. Bain, my second surgeon who I believe did everything in her power to rid my body of the mess going on. So, if I hadn't moved, there might be no Ady here today. Would I give the world to go back to that time and move to where I wanted to go then? Of course not. He gave me Ady here. He gave me my miracle here. If I hadn't taught in a school where I was treated beyond unfairly, I wouldn't have learned the importance of forgiveness. As much as I hurt, I have had to learn to pray for those who've hurt me. I was hurt so deeply. Some I took off my Facebook, others I kept. At times I've felt used when they'd message me only to get a question answered, yet I knew they talked about me behind my back. Or they just wanted information to use to gossip about later. But, you know what that taught me? To be like Jesus; to care for people who will use me, who I know will betray me. Afterall, haven't I done that to Him?


If I didn't move to Lexington, I wouldn't have met Heather. She has been here through it all. When my work treated me so terrible and I was a new mom pouring out buckets of tears from not having the slightest clue what to do, she was there to listen. She makes me want to be a better friend to others. If I hadn't moved here, I wouldn't have had the joy of knowing Elizabeth and Hannah as every Monday night we meet in my home to "do life together". I wouldn't have met Erica when she really needed a friend and God planned our lives to cross to encourage one another. I wouldn't have met my sweet neighbor Amy. I wouldn't have met Stella, who has done more for me this past year than I'll ever be able to repay. There are dozens of more people who have influenced and impacted my life, that I would never have known if I had done things my way.

This town that I have so resented, really hasn't been that bad when I look at my blessings, not my losses. I came to this town not knowing the first clue of how to be a wife.

And in all these experiences I have learned to be one, the kind of wife the Bible teaches. I learned to pray for Joseph, to pray Satan away as he tried to destroy what God put together. I learned to be a teacher. I learned how to be a mother.


If I had been in Louisville with family there at my beckon call, I wouldn't have learned how to do it by myself. I came to this town as a little girl, without the slightest clue of all that would happen. I learned to forgive people when they didn't deserve it, I learned how to love, I learned how to be a better follower of Jesus Christ; afterall some "seasons", He was the only thing I had. This town that I never wanted to be in to begin with has truly become my home without me ever realizing it.

Through lots of tears, I see that my plans for my life may not have turned out as I would have written them, but how grateful am I that I'm not the author. How thankful am I that He once again put me back in the passenger side where I belong. If He chooses to never reconnect me back to Louisville, how can I complain? What right do I have? I have been blessed beyond measure here. And I will use it, this season, this testimony, to bring Him glory. I can look back over the past 3 years and see the fingerprints of God; how He has worked things together for good. And I know, that my heart may want to be home in Louisville, but my Father knows what is best. And I have complete confidence that in the next 3 years, I'll look back and have a pretty big story to share. "If God had moved me back in 2011, I wouldn't have......" I can't wait to see the plan He has for us.


I am so thankful God didn't answer my prayer when I asked Him to. :)