Just Tryin' To Hold On....

 

Hello, friends! Life has surely changed (for the better), but it's no cake walk....that's for sure. I thought having one child was wild. I was obviously mistaken. I am so thankful for these two precious little children, but it is much more difficult juggling than I ever expected it to be.

For the first three weeks I had someone constantly with me to help out. I was so sick for so long that I couldn't even function. I needed lots of extra hands. And Joseph went back to work the day after I was (finally!) released from the hospital. I am so thankful for my mom, grandparents, and sister for traveling back and forth to Lexington (probably more times than they'd care to) to help out. But when they finally left....BAM ! Hard job. I'm lucky to get a shower, let alone eat a piece of string cheese before the day is over. And cleaning? What's that? Napping when the kids nap? Not so much. They've yet to both be asleep at the same time and poor Henry has had such a tough time he rarely is apart from my arms.

At right around 2 1/2 weeks Henry started to display many of Ady's reflux symptoms. (Y'all remember that don't you?? It was such a trying time). But, using what I learned from her, I didn't waste any time. The sad thing is that nobody listened to me for so long with Ady that they now said her interventions had to be so much more than Henry's because her esophagus was literally eroding away. Breaks my heart. I was told to stop eating anything dairy, anything with milk, anything that's citrus, any berry, oh, and any tomato based product. I don't know if y'all know me, but first of all I'm a picky eater, and second of all the foods I do eat it are in all of the above categories. He told me to take that out of my diet and see if I noticed a difference. If not, to start him on Zantac. Two days later....no difference. Zantac started. After 4 days of being on it, I noticed on the 4th day he was progressively worse. I called and begged them to switch him to Prevacid. Praise the Lord they did and I have seen tremendous improvement. He still has to be elevated at all times (but, seriously, we have every contraption known to man to elevate a baby), and will often wake out in pure agony and usually it's because he has a burp. Once it's up...he's fine. But he can't ever really seem to get in a good sleep routine, so I know he's exhausted.

He celebrated his 1 month birthday recently and his stats? Big ol' boy. A whopping 7 lb. :) He's 20 1/2 inches long (originally 19 at birth). He loves to wiggle and kick and makes the sweetest coo's I think I've ever heard. He is starting to smile and respond to my voice. I LOVE it ;) He eats about every 1 1/2 - 2 hours around the clock. This includes nighttime too. (To say I'm exhausted is an understatement, but it's all worth it). His favorite place to sleep is upright on mommy's chest where he finds the most relief from his pain. 

 

He doesn't seem bothered by loud noises or his sister squealing at the top of her lungs :) And he may be the tiniest little guy around, but he has a big heart and an EVEN bigger story. I have never been more in love in all my life. :)

Big sister is doing well. She was never one to be a late sleeper, but fell into a pretty sweet routine after we came home from the hospital. (This has all changed, of course now). I could never, ever have made it through this time without my mom. She took such excellent care of Ady. Prior to Henry, Ady was exceptionally clingy to me. The day Henry came she had to be rushed off to Heather, and although she loves her, I was surprised at how she went to hear tear-free. As well as went without really seeing much of Joseph or I for 6 days. The first time she saw me in the hospital all plugged up, I was a pretty scary sight. She handled it absolutely beautifully. As far as jealousy goes, she really hasn't had much. She had so much attention the first 3 weeks from family that she didn't ever really feel threatened by him. From time to time she will say to me "Mommy, Henry down". But it's usually when she wants me to go lay her down or get up and dance or do something silly ;) She is very motherly and doting to him. If he cries, she'll say "Oh, it's ok, it's ok Henry" Or if his paci is on the floor/couch/table/wherever, she'll pick it up and say, "Oh, Henry! Paci! Here you go!" She is so so sweet.

Not only is she sweet, she's smart too. When she was about 8 months old she could tell me what sound every animal known to man could make. She's a natural learner. And if you tell her something one time, she remembers it forever. She loves to sing songs. Her favorites are "Old McDonald", "Itsy Bitsy Spider", "Wheels on the Bus", "Jesus Loves Me", "Jesus Paid it All"(she likes me to sing that if/when she lets me rock her), and the list goes on. She loves to eat cheese, cheese, and more cheese. And goldfish, Cheerios, Cheetos (the jalapeno ones. Seriously. She'd eat the whole bag), ham, chicken, Jello, macaroni. You know, all the nutritious things :) Actually...she loves fruit. Any kind she can get her hands on. She can't drink milk so she gets lots of diluted juice and will drink water from time to time. If I ever have a Diet Coke sitting out, it's fair game-she grabs it! She's her mommy's girl for sure :)
She knows several shapes and is now finding them around her. In her princess tent the other day she found where in the corner there were triangles. She was talking to herself and said, "Circle? Nooo. Triangle! Pizza is a triangle too." Just for the record, I never told her pizza was a triangle. She amazes me how she is making connections to the world around her.
She can count to 12 and loves to get things out and count them. She's so stinkin' smart :) 
She still hates me to touch her hair, and is now absolutely done with the camera. I mean DONE. If I get it out she says, " No, mommy no! No picture" :) My how the tables have turned. I did these very things to my mother :)
She has started to sleep with lots of little friends, stuffed animals, and blankets. She is a little mini hoarder and it is adorable. She loves the Disney Princesses. Ariel and Belle are her favorites, but she likes Cinderella too. And Snow White, whom she calls "He Ho." And Rapunzel, she calls "Dream".
She can talk in full sentences and it is amazing how well she communicates. Then in the next breath she'll go on and on for 3-4 minutes and I can understand nothing she's said. Sometimes I would just love to know what she is saying/thinking :)

Staying home with these two kids is a lot of work, but it's very rewarding too. I know it won't be long before we're in a little more of a routine and I start to feel like it's a little easier. But, honestly, if I were truthful, I'd tell you earlier last week I broke down in absolute sobs. I don't want this time to pass. I will never, ever get to feel a tiny baby in my arms like this again, or growing inside my body. And while I don't want you to mistake my gratitude, my heart aches. I know how fast it goes, and I just want to hold on a little bit longer. 

There are times when I would give my right arm for my family to live in the same town with us. My right arm. It would be so nice to at times to have them right with us. But, then I'm reminded that this is my one shot. And sleep and moments to myself will come down the road and I'll be wishing for a tiny baby to rock again and for someone to need me for every single little thing. Joseph and I have grown stronger in our marriage to have to handle these tough times. Sure our family isn't too far to help. But it's still not the same as the same town. 

Speaking of which, I was praying a couple weeks ago and all of a sudden felt an overwhelming reminder from the Lord that He had his hand on Henry and I for so long. We had our house on the market (I'm not sure if I ever made that public knowledge), last spring. I wanted to be home. Joseph was going to commute every day to Lexington so I could be back home. He knew how much I disliked it here. But, one day after dozens and dozens of house showings, I felt the Holy Spirit literally telling me to take our house off. So we did. Joseph wasn't so sure. He just wanted me happy. I assured him it just wasn't the right time. I felt that we were trying to make something work that wasn't truly in the will of the Lord. And another deciding factor? My doctor. So a few weeks ago I began just sobbing at the thought. Had I moved and switched dr's. Well, I just can't even fathom the thought. Y'all know where I'm going with this. Thank God my life was spared, Henry's too. And for the Lord's provision from long ago. I firmly believe that because of my grandparents and parents praying for me every day from the day I was born, that it why I am here. The Lord's protection has been on my body for long before I ever even knew. And because of that, today I'm here to be a mom to 2 precious children and a wife to the most loving and kind man I know.

Some days I feel like I'm just barely staying afloat. But then I look around at my sweet little blessings and I can honestly say, "I could not ask for more. "