What I Don't Believe

What I don't believe is that in almost 2 weeks, I'll have an official toddler. She's been one in my mind for months. No baby food, walking everywhere, climbing everywhere, and fast, fast, fast! I don't know anyone who is a stay at home mom that has relaxing days just spent on the couch. Once the baby is mobile, there is no stopping (unless of course it's naptime, when mommy can blog...or shower!)

Ady's party has been planned in my mind for months. It's coming up in 2 weeks and we are so looking forward to spending the day celebrating with the people who have invested their time and love into our sweet little girl. :)


What I don't believe, is that I'm a mother. I am having flashbacks of time before Ady was growing in my tummy. My heart, was breaking. Just breaking. It was broken that others got pregnant on the first try. I was broken because I had to have 2 surgeries, was in enormous amounts of pain and still didn't have one to hold. It just wasn't fair. But, God wasn't finished with me yet. Through my painful journey I learned the sweet feeling of surrenduring it all into the arms of Jesus. I learned to be more patient, more loving. And then, on January 16th, after a very painful day spent in Louisville, I found out....He hadn't forgotten me.

I can remember my eyes were just dancing. I bet I had looked at 25 negatives. But the positive...it showed up so much faster. I was in awe, disbelief, and excited all at once. To know that my greatest desire, that my suffering, had not been in vain. The Lord had prevailed and He had a plan for little Ady. I remember my first OB appointment.

My mom and Joseph were there. When I saw her on the monitor, then saw her heart beating and heard the pitter patter sound; I began to cry. It was so very surreal. Then a few weeks later, we invited our sweet friends and close family to a "revealing party" as we "revealed" that our Ady was in fact, an Ady. I will never forget the look on my mother's face. It was such a sweet moment.

Joseph and I were estatic. We were going to welcome this precious little girl into the world in September.

I had many scares throughout my pregnancy. Falls, blood pressure, etc. I can see now how the Lord had His hand on me and Ady so many times. I may have never shared this with you, but the entire time I was pregnant I loved the song "Safe in His Arms". When I'd play it, Ady would kick, kick, kick!

I remember the morning my water broke. I told Joseph we had to listen to it on the way to the hospital. It was one of our most intimate and precious moments together as a family of 2 just one more time. The morning I woke up, I knew she was going to be born. I just knew it. When my water broke, I screamed and started running through the house so excited. My mom called my Tatay who then turned around from going toward Atlanta to visit my uncle and made it in time to see Ady be born. I remember Joseph freaking out when I called him at work. I remember that I literally hadn't so much hung the phone up, and he was already in the driveway. :)

I was admitted around lunchtime and my blood pressure was extremely high. After an epidural and some medication, it finally regulated. But, at 9:00 that evening I was still making no progress. I was only at 3 cm and my water had broken 12 hours prior. I was having the most mindless and useless contractions. I STIL believe that had my water not broken, Ady would have just come out at my home. Even to the second she was born into this world, the contractions never went to the "top" and there was no, and I mean absolutely no pattern. At 10:10 pm my best friend, Heather, my mom, Joseph, and Tatay were all in the room discussing my "useless" contractions. I remember feeling like I needed to push. How I did, I don't know. I was so numb it didn't make sense. I was so embarassed to tell the nurse because I knew it wasn't time, but I told her. And she said, "good girl." When I asked her what she meant, her intern said "all I feel is head". The nurse then said, "you're a 10!" I said, "Oh my gosh! Like how close are we??" And she replied that Ady was coming right...then! She screamed for someone to call the doctor and in less than 17 minutes I was holding her. The nurse feared that she was going to have to be the one to catch Ady. She came so fast. And she literally flopped out. I will never forget that moment as long as I live. That moment when I saw her, and it was real. When I saw my faith meet my eyes.

When I saw my heartache and burdens that had been laid at the cross, and then my baby? Ah...there is nothing more miraculous. There is nothing sweeter than bringing a baby into the world when you were told you never would be able to. Praise the Lord! They weighed her, and she was perfect.

She has captivated us all since the first second she took a breath into this world.

I can vividly remember the night she was born when it was just Joseph and I. I am, first of all, so beyond thankful to have married such a precious person.

But, I can remember sobbing that night. I was scared to death. I looked at him and told him I didn't have the first clue what to do. He understood; he was right there with me. There is no manual. But, I can say that through this past year, the manual that we have entrusted to raising Ady is the Bible, a lot of prayers, and each other. Our marriage has grown through our struggles and through the birth of our miracle baby.

What I don't believe is that my now almost 12 month old, was once this tiny.

I can't believe that today she's climbing stairs (her new favorite thing to d0.)

Crawling around with her fairy wings on:

Showing us her funny personality:

And being the most precious and perfect baby ever:

As I approach this new chapter in Ady's life, I can't help but look back and reflect on the miraculous entry she had into this world. The painful nights, but then the joyous morning. She will always be my proof that no good thing will He withhold from those who serve and love Him. She wasn't supposed to be here today, but she is. Through a lot of tears, I don't believe that I have this gift. But, I will gladly boast in the power of the Lord and how He carried us through that dark time into the light that we have in our little Ady today! :)