What I Don't Believe

What I don't believe is that in almost 2 weeks, I'll have an official toddler. She's been one in my mind for months. No baby food, walking everywhere, climbing everywhere, and fast, fast, fast! I don't know anyone who is a stay at home mom that has relaxing days just spent on the couch. Once the baby is mobile, there is no stopping (unless of course it's naptime, when mommy can blog...or shower!)

Ady's party has been planned in my mind for months. It's coming up in 2 weeks and we are so looking forward to spending the day celebrating with the people who have invested their time and love into our sweet little girl. :)


What I don't believe, is that I'm a mother. I am having flashbacks of time before Ady was growing in my tummy. My heart, was breaking. Just breaking. It was broken that others got pregnant on the first try. I was broken because I had to have 2 surgeries, was in enormous amounts of pain and still didn't have one to hold. It just wasn't fair. But, God wasn't finished with me yet. Through my painful journey I learned the sweet feeling of surrenduring it all into the arms of Jesus. I learned to be more patient, more loving. And then, on January 16th, after a very painful day spent in Louisville, I found out....He hadn't forgotten me.

I can remember my eyes were just dancing. I bet I had looked at 25 negatives. But the positive...it showed up so much faster. I was in awe, disbelief, and excited all at once. To know that my greatest desire, that my suffering, had not been in vain. The Lord had prevailed and He had a plan for little Ady. I remember my first OB appointment.

My mom and Joseph were there. When I saw her on the monitor, then saw her heart beating and heard the pitter patter sound; I began to cry. It was so very surreal. Then a few weeks later, we invited our sweet friends and close family to a "revealing party" as we "revealed" that our Ady was in fact, an Ady. I will never forget the look on my mother's face. It was such a sweet moment.

Joseph and I were estatic. We were going to welcome this precious little girl into the world in September.

I had many scares throughout my pregnancy. Falls, blood pressure, etc. I can see now how the Lord had His hand on me and Ady so many times. I may have never shared this with you, but the entire time I was pregnant I loved the song "Safe in His Arms". When I'd play it, Ady would kick, kick, kick!

I remember the morning my water broke. I told Joseph we had to listen to it on the way to the hospital. It was one of our most intimate and precious moments together as a family of 2 just one more time. The morning I woke up, I knew she was going to be born. I just knew it. When my water broke, I screamed and started running through the house so excited. My mom called my Tatay who then turned around from going toward Atlanta to visit my uncle and made it in time to see Ady be born. I remember Joseph freaking out when I called him at work. I remember that I literally hadn't so much hung the phone up, and he was already in the driveway. :)

I was admitted around lunchtime and my blood pressure was extremely high. After an epidural and some medication, it finally regulated. But, at 9:00 that evening I was still making no progress. I was only at 3 cm and my water had broken 12 hours prior. I was having the most mindless and useless contractions. I STIL believe that had my water not broken, Ady would have just come out at my home. Even to the second she was born into this world, the contractions never went to the "top" and there was no, and I mean absolutely no pattern. At 10:10 pm my best friend, Heather, my mom, Joseph, and Tatay were all in the room discussing my "useless" contractions. I remember feeling like I needed to push. How I did, I don't know. I was so numb it didn't make sense. I was so embarassed to tell the nurse because I knew it wasn't time, but I told her. And she said, "good girl." When I asked her what she meant, her intern said "all I feel is head". The nurse then said, "you're a 10!" I said, "Oh my gosh! Like how close are we??" And she replied that Ady was coming right...then! She screamed for someone to call the doctor and in less than 17 minutes I was holding her. The nurse feared that she was going to have to be the one to catch Ady. She came so fast. And she literally flopped out. I will never forget that moment as long as I live. That moment when I saw her, and it was real. When I saw my faith meet my eyes.

When I saw my heartache and burdens that had been laid at the cross, and then my baby? Ah...there is nothing more miraculous. There is nothing sweeter than bringing a baby into the world when you were told you never would be able to. Praise the Lord! They weighed her, and she was perfect.

She has captivated us all since the first second she took a breath into this world.

I can vividly remember the night she was born when it was just Joseph and I. I am, first of all, so beyond thankful to have married such a precious person.

But, I can remember sobbing that night. I was scared to death. I looked at him and told him I didn't have the first clue what to do. He understood; he was right there with me. There is no manual. But, I can say that through this past year, the manual that we have entrusted to raising Ady is the Bible, a lot of prayers, and each other. Our marriage has grown through our struggles and through the birth of our miracle baby.

What I don't believe is that my now almost 12 month old, was once this tiny.

I can't believe that today she's climbing stairs (her new favorite thing to d0.)

Crawling around with her fairy wings on:

Showing us her funny personality:

And being the most precious and perfect baby ever:

As I approach this new chapter in Ady's life, I can't help but look back and reflect on the miraculous entry she had into this world. The painful nights, but then the joyous morning. She will always be my proof that no good thing will He withhold from those who serve and love Him. She wasn't supposed to be here today, but she is. Through a lot of tears, I don't believe that I have this gift. But, I will gladly boast in the power of the Lord and how He carried us through that dark time into the light that we have in our little Ady today! :)

Bear Goes Everywhere

For the first few months Ady would only fall asleep if she held onto a burp cloth. Those (along with about 75 bibs) were put into the storage a while ago. But, Ady has her "bear" that she can not live without. If I ask her to go find bear, she'll crawl over to it and laugh and smile. It's the most precious thing ever. I can't really remember exactly when she started holding onto him (or her?), but if I look back in pictures he (or she) is sneaking in the background :)

Bear goes with us to the pool:

Bear goes with us on a walk:

Bear goes with us when we're crawling around:

Bear goes with us when it's time to listen to a story:

Bear goes with us when it's time to eat:

Bear goes with us when it's time for Tatay to rock her baby girl to sleep:

Bear goes with us when Ady falls fast asleep: (This picture was taken when we were on vacation. On the last night we had already packed the pack and play and so she got a big treat: to sleep in a bed with mommy and daddy!)


Bear always goes with us on walks, but the other day bear fell out. I had made it back into the garage and as I was unstrapping her I asked (as I always do), "where is bear?" Bless her heart, she looked around and he wasn't there. I realized he must have fallen out. All you mommies reading this understand. I started to panic. There is no one else like bear, no substitutes. So, I retracked my steps and found bear on the ground; about 3/4 a mile away. Whew.


And there was a very happy Ady :)


Why? Because Bear Goes Everywhere!

The Apology

I can't believe it's taken me over a month to post a new blog. Well....actually, I can believe it. Ady became very, very mobile this month. Which means, very little time to post (as if I had it before). I left for Hilton Head for a girls getaway on July 8th, and a couple days before that she figured out how to move...and fast! For the past 3 months she's been able to crawl to an object close. I thought she would have had the fast crawl figured out a long time ago, but I'm so glad she didn't. She did it on her own time. And boy, she's fast! :) I love it!


She is walking everywhere if you hold her hands, but she's not ready to do it on her own yet. And, I'm taking the advice of good counsel and not rushing her. She will learn when she wants. I know far too many people who rushed their children to walking. Ady is a smart cookie and she is very cautious when she's holding onto things. She'll only let go to get to another thing if she thinks her balance is right. I know that this will help when she is ready to walk for good. I know they'll be stumbles and falls, but I think her taking her time is going to keep them at a minimum. At least, I can hope that :)


Ady is talking more than ever before. She said "doggy" a few weeks ago. Her first "official" word. She says doggy, dog, or "gaga" when she refers to them. She loves, loves, loves the dogs. This past week we were on vacation with my family. I call my grandmother (whom Ady is named after), Tatay. Ady said her name and it just melted Tatay's heart. We went to get a drink one afternoon and a gray headed woman was in front of us in line. Ady reached over to her and said "Tatay!" It was so sweet. The woman said, "I'm not your Tatay, honey". It was just precious!

At 11 months Ady is eating everything and I am now taking her to 1 Prevacid dose (Prayers PLEASE that this will work!). Her dr wants her off it completely. I'm now taking her to 15 mg a day instead of 30mg. I'm really hoping it's gone for good. In a few days, we'll see. Ady eats everything she can get her hands on. She's such a good eater and I'm so proud :)


Ady has a very funny personality. I don't think I've ever seen a baby with such life to them. (I'm not biased at all, I know). She makes these hilarious faces with her mouth and she knows that she's funny. She started giving you things and then asking for them back. She's a true indian giver. If you ask her to give you her paci, she will. If you ask her for milk, she'll spit her paci out and wait to drink it. She drank from a regular cup this past week and loved it. I'm contemplating just doing that from now on. She loves to drink water. Good girl :) She also loves to squeal, and I mean loud. She's not upset, she just loves to hear herself talk. This past week she had an audience of 9. I'm not sure how she'll survive now without a platform :) Ady learned how to "pat a cake" this week. She claps, then rolls her hands together (looks like she's washing her hands!), then throws her arms up. It is beyond precious. I can't ever seem to capture it, but when I do, I'll share!

We did a photo shoot for 11 months at the beach, and well....it's not very easy to get her to stop and look :) The best one was her with no bow on :)


We had such a wonderful vacation this past week in Panama City. It's the first time the whole family was together in a long, long time. We got some family pictures made on the beach. They turned out so great!


Tatay sure does lover her namesake, Adyline Margaret :)



I couldn't be more grateful for this picture! :)


I also was able to see Dr. Bain who moved her practice to Panama City Beach. The short story is that she was an emmensely vital person to Ady getting here. I had already had one surgery 9 months prior and was still in excruciating pain every single day. She worked me in within 4 days and performed my surgery and was very honest about what she found. She even said she kept me "open" longer than normal to search, she knew I was in so much pain; and she knew I wanted a baby and had been trying and nothing was working. She gave me pictures of all she found. I carried them around like 8x10 glossies! But, they were vital to the next step: Dr. Karon. The pictures showed very detailed images of all that she removed and how it was all over my body. Those pictures went with me when I, 6 weeks later, went to an infertility specialist, Dr. Karon. From the pictures alone, she tested me for PCOS. And then started me on medicine because she didn't need the test results to affirm it. And....I had to stay on the medicine through my entire pregnancy. I found out a few days later it was positive, and then about a week later I was pregnant. You see, I had to be on that medicine anyways with Ady. God just fast forwarded a little bit and had me start it early. Dr. Bain's pictures were so vital. I firmly believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that had Dr. Bain not done my surgery (My first surgeon moved 3 months after she did my surgery), I would not be pregnant today. She did what no doctor before had done for me, she listened. I can't tell you how long she just sat and listened to me cry. She held my hand and just let me cry. And she did everything in her power to get to the bottom of it. I love Dr. Karon, and she took wonderful care of me and Ady, but Dr. Bain will always hold a very special place in my heart. She gave me a gift I might not have today had she not worked so hard. I had to pull a lot of strings to get to see her, but it was such a sweet moment once I saw her. I started to talk, and then the tears just flowed. I was overcome with emotion. The last time I saw her, I was crying, I didn't understand why there was still no baby. And to be able to show her my beautiful 11 month old daughter. Gosh, there isn't anything sweeter! She wants us to visit once a year on our vacation and gave me an address to mail a Christmas card to. Afterall, she is a part of our family!



As Ady approaches her first year of life, it is filled with a lot of emotions. I am daily more aware of how blessed we were to have conceived her. Joseph and I truly know what it's like to suffer, to mourn, to think a baby will never happen. I experienced so much pain. But, today there is so much joy. Whenever I look in my beautiful blue eyed baby girl's face, I praise God for His faithfulness. I was at the bottom of the pit, at the end of my rope, but I still was gripping onto His word. He never let us go. He never, ever let go. He had it all planned out. I am so thankful He made us wait. Because we struggled, we can praise Him even more for this gift we have to hold today!