Overjoyed.

Well, the cat is finally out of the bag. That's right. Baby #2 is set to arrive in late September/early October. :)

Overjoyed. There really isn't a better word I can think of right now to describe what I'm feeling. Most you know via my blog that our struggle to have Ady was nothing short of a miracle. We knew that we were not guaranteed her. So, when I found out I was pregnant again, I was really shocked. Here's the story....

Not long after Ady was born we began talking and trying for another one. I was just so very confident that God would come through again, but He didn't. At least not in my time. Month after month was more disappointment and tears as I put a smile on my face to the rest of the world like I was all put together. I can vividly remember late last September being balled up on the floor crying out in so much pain. Joseph made me promise to him that if the next month I was still feeling like that I'd go back to the doctor. The next month came and the only difference was, it was worse. So, I swallowed my pride and I went not in any way prepared for what she was going to tell us.

She did an ultrasound that found some alarming things. For one, my left ovary had moved completely out of alignment. She mentioned it twice during the exam and with great concern made it known I needed surgery. I was in so much pain and she needed to find out what else might have been going on too. That month, for some reason, I was so confident it was the month I'd get pregnant. And my appointment fell during my fertile time. I was so excited for her to be able to tell me if I had already ovulated yet or was close. And in a matter seconds my excitement was shattered into a million little pieces.

She said, "Oh, you're not ovulating. You....don't." The room was spinning. Luckily Ady was playing with the nurse up front. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I held myself together. She went on to explain that my body tries, but for some reason it is incapable of "completing" the task. She assumed this was the PCOS with the endometriosis. She knew my history of the surgeries before and stressed the urgency for me to have this surgery sooner, rather than later.

Thankfully, Joseph walked in at the tail end of the exam. She explained to us the best and worst case scenarios. Best case-she'd clean me out, remove all the cysts, endometriosis, etc. However, she was alarmed by the moving of my ovary and had some suspicions that perhaps something more serious was growing pushing it out of the way. She prepared us for that. She prepared me pretty strongly that she would remove my left ovary. And of course, the worst case-if she got in there and things were just way worse than before and more serious things growing, then there'd be no other option but a hysterectomy. As she was walking out of the room, she turned to Joseph and very adamately said, "She needs this surgery....now." I wanted to run, but I couldn't. I wanted to back out. But I couldn't. I did all I knew how. And that was to pick up my little Ady and head for home.

Joseph tried to talk on the way out the door and I just couldn't. By the time we ate dinner and were finally settled, I just sobbed. I couldn't put into words what I was feeling. Frustration, confusion, fear, anxiety, jealousy, anger, hurt, disappointment, pain....so, so much pain; more so emotional than physical. I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. For a few moments I allowed myself to fall apart and go through the "why's" and the "it's not fair's". But, then I pulled myself together and prayed. I can remember calling my grandmother a few days after my appointment and just crying on the phone when I began explaining what was going on. She reminded me that "Rebekah, you were not even promised Ady. You asked God for just one, and He gave her to you. There is some reason you are going through this. You must always be thankful that you got one little miracle."

I cried for days. I prayed for days too. But by the time surgery day came, I was at peace. God knew my heart and He knew that I was at peace regardless what He chose to do. I knew I would praise Him no matter what the outcome was. I can't describe what I felt that November morning, but all I can say is I had "the peace that passes all understanding". I was so calm. So calm, in fact, that I had been given no medicine. She came in to talk with me before the surgery and explained everything again, then promised me she'd take good care of me and do everything in her power to get me another sweet baby like Ady. I was fine until I was wheeled away. It was all a little too close for comfort as I was laid on the operating table and saw scalpels and heard monitors and saw all sorts of things I was fearful of. There was no medicine in my body yet, and I wished for it. I kept thinking I was going to be cut open with nothing. The anesthesiologist asked me to close my eyes and breathe into the mask. I was so terrified I wouldn't close my eyes. He asked me 3 or 4 times to do it. Then, my precious little doctor came over and held my hand, rubbed my arm, while I had tears pouring down my face. She said, "I'm going to take REALLY good care of you." And that was the last thing I remembered. Praise God for comforting doctors when we most need them.

I woke up hours later with good and bad news. She had explained to Joseph that she didn't have to do a hysterectomy, she was able to fix a lot. However, the scarring and endometriosis had damaged my left tube so much that it was closed. She tried multiple times during the surgery to get it to open and it wouldn't. My left ovary was completely attached and stuck to my colon and covered in dozens of cysts that were successfully burned off. Yet, so much damage had already been done that it was deemed "unusable". Therefore, I had one working side. And the clock was ticking before the right side would be gone too. She found problems with my colon. Throughout the surgery it had multiple spasms and she explained that I have a form of IBS, one that causes strictly excruciating back pain from the colon having spasms. Certain foods I eat irritate it. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted to understand why I had random bouts of very, very awful back pain over the last 4 years. (And would like to send records to the 8 doctors I saw who told me THIS was all in my head! Good thing I'm stubborn!)

I recovered pretty quickly and went to see her right after Christmas. Prior to our visit, I had just found out our insurance wasn't going to cover the fertility drugs I "needed" for my body to ovulate. After a lot of tears and prayers, we had just decided that we weren't going to take them. We firmly felt that God had granted us Ady, and that it just wasn't what He had planned to take expensive medicines that may or may not work. She explained again all that she found. She then expressed the urgency to conceive. Her exact words were, "You've got less than 6 months." The clock was ticking. She was very confident that it wouldn't be long before I no longer had any working side. She then stressed that my body was not even capable of ovulating on the side I had "left", but since we told her drugs were not in our plan, then, just....maybe. The chance was there, but it was incredibly slim. You know, as in the "1 in a million shot" chance. And not only the 1 in a million, but it was now twice as hard to conceive with just one side. I was already at such peace that there was no place for another baby in our lives. But, I was very wrong.

I prayed fervently for God to lay on my heart His plan. I was at complete peace with adopting, and had even begun talking about adoption agencies and had some leads. I never, not in a million years, expected to conceive, and so quickly! I found out in late January after I had been so so so sick. I kept it a secret from Joseph for almost a week. I was just in denial. I was also scared. I run a significantly high miscarriage rate and just wanted to make sure all was okay. Thankfully, I take a pill every day to keep this sweet baby safe and he/she is doing perfecto :)

I didn't even tell my family until I was already 7 weeks along. I videod the moment they opened the pink and blue card that read:

"I'm your gift, but I'll be a little late.
8 months to be exact.
October's my due date"

It was one of the most precious moments I've ever witnessed. Lots and lots and LOTS of tears and cheers! :) And, gotta love technology, after it finished recording, my phone froze and deleted it. Oh well, it's engrained in my mind forever :) We told Joseph's family one Sunday afternoon at Claudia Sanders. Ady wore her "Big Sister to Be" shirt. Once she took her jacket off, it took a while for everyone to get it, but once they did it was all smiles (and some tears too!)

Here is the belly at 14 weeks. WHOA!



I had Ady 3 weeks early. My water broke and in one hour I went from 3cm to fully dilated and she was coming out. I can remember the nurse telling me, "I know you don't want to think about another baby right now, but you better camp out at the hospital for the next one! You have just delivered a baby in RECORD time!" There's a lot of anxiety I have about this baby. I surely didn't follow the "norm" when it came to first deliveries. I am due October 10, but she expects this baby late September. Ady and her brother or sister will be just exactly 2 years apart. I find out April 26 what I'm having. But, of course we're going to torture all of our friends and family and make them wait for our Gender Reveal Party several days later. :) Ady gets to spill the beans at this one! She has the most precious little heart and I know she will be the best big sister ever.

I am trying to savor every second of this pregnancy, because we know it won't last forever. And we know that this will probably be our last biological child. I plan on having a house full of children from every race and tribe all over :) But, I do love the feeling of being pregnant. I have been pretty lucky this time around. I dealt with some pretty bad morning sickness the first few weeks, had a scare in the ER from severe dehydration from food poisoning last week, but aside from exhaustion from running with a busy toddler, (and the ever expanding waistline), I'd never really know I was pregnant.

I don't want the next few months to end. I just want to bottle them up forever. I have already felt many kicks, jabs, and flutters (much sooner this time around!) to remind me of this new life growing inside of me. (And the doctors have already commented this baby is W-I-L-D, as was Ady in the womb. We'll have our hands full soon :)). We trust that God has a huge plan for our lives. He may see fit to grant us more than we ever could dream (I always think of Abraham and Sarah), but we also know that He has already done more than we truly EVER could have asked or imagined.

My heart aches, deeply, for people who were never able to one time experience what I have. While I can't understand the rationale behind God's decisions for our lives, I do know that He is Sovereign and that His way is always better. There are moments I am so deeply overcome with emotion that there is nothing else I can do but cry and just thank Him. How did this happen? I was assured in 2010 that there would never be a baby for me. And now? I'll have two!

It sounds so simple to tell someone to just have faith. But as the Bible clearly states, "Faith without works is dead." I am so far from where God intends me to be, each day I fall short. But through our deep, deep seasons of suffering, I have come to understand exactly what that passage means. It doesn't mean that I expect Him to answer me my way (usually He doesn't). It also doesn't mean that I am always happy and don't allow my emotions to be known before Him. What it does mean, is that you never stop trusting Him. I can not even recall the number of days when I would do my quiet time and I would literally just show up and cry. There were sometimes no words to say. He knew my heart. I prayed many, many times for Him to remove my "cups" of pain and our suffering. When I found out I'd never have Ady, I was devastated. This time around, I did ache so much. However, I looked at what I did have.....Ady. And I truly, for probably the first time ever in my life, let go of my plan. And He showed up.

I prayed in early January for God to reveal Himself to me in a big way this year. And never, not even once, was a baby on my mind when I wrote that in my journal. I actually was praying about something completely different when I said that prayer. I did have faith that He could give us another one, but I had come to such peace that His plan was different and I trusted Him enough to move on. Sometimes when we stop trying to plan, He then shows us something so far greater. Would I still praise Him if I weren't pregnant? Of course. My circumstances can't change who He is. And through years of dealing with experiences I never dreamed possible, I have come to understand that better. He is still good even when life is not.

I can't believe that I am actually pregnant! This baby and Ady are such wonderful examples of the faithfulness of the Lord. Through a lot of pain, a lot of waiting, a lot of surgery, a lot of expense, and a whole lot of faith, two little miracles will be mine to hold. What a day of rejoicing that will be! :)

I never could have imagined the ride He would have taken Joseph and I on over the last 4 years. To say we suffered is to put it mildly. But, our suffering has not been in vain. Our King has won and there IS coming a day when He will wipe every tear from our eyes and say, "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have fought the good fight. Welcome home." For the rest of my life, I want these 2 precious children entrusted to me to know that they have a Father who could not even begin to imagine this world without them in it, and He took drastic measures to bring them here.

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."John 13:7