Not Quite the Vacation....

 

It's no secret that I love the sun. Since I was 5 months old I've been going to the beach. And my love really never stopped. Every summer I can be found by the pool for countless hours. I used to read on average 20 books a summer. That, my friends, has changed. However, thank the Lord I have a baby who loves outside as much as me :)

We took our first ever family of 3 trip to the beach by ourselves last week. Don't worry, this was Ady's third trip to the beach. But, the first time Joseph and I have ever taken her just ourselves. It was quite interesting :)

Ady had not been herself for several days before we left. I thought initially she had an upset stomach, then maybe teeth, and then when she had screaming fits when I'd hand her the juice she had asked for and then hold her mouth, I knew something was up. I took her in the day before we left. The dr swabbed her for strep and it came back negative. She told us to just monitor her while we were gone, but more than likely it was just a virus.

My bright idea to leave at 4 AM so Ady could sleep a good amount in the car ended up being a disaster. She did not fall back asleep. Instead, it made her more mad that she was awake. Let me reiterate the fact that I do believe I have one of the happiest babies ever. She has the greatest personality. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that from 4AM Saturday morning until our car pulled in to South Carolina early that afternoon, 75% of the time she was screaming at the top of her lungs. And she slept 45 minutes total. From 4AM. Sheesh. I just kept thinking it was from her "virus" and that she didn't want to be in the car (have you met her? She is busy!) Once we got all settled she was happy on the beach (as any Elrod or Kimbrough would be!), but her "spark" was still not there. She wouldn't sleep in her bed we made for her, but that night I let her sleep with me. She screamed out a lot in the night.

Sunday morning she seemed a little better. She laid down for a little nap and I headed out to the beach while my "non sun loving" husband stayed in with her. I was in the middle of reading my book, when I got his text that couldn't have been 25 minutes later saying, "She's up. Screaming". I ran up to get her. And that's when I knew I'd seen enough. She was screaming inconsolably. I have never, ever, ever seen her like that. She didn't want me or Joseph. She didn't want anything we were trying to do. Just screaming. I knew this was no virus. I found a place open on a Sunday and took her in. She continued to scream as the nurse tried to get her vital signs. She was actually so inconsolable that she was unable to do anything. Ady was so scared and in so much pain. When the dr came in he opened her mouth and immediately said,"She's got strep!" He then proceeded to check her ears and found they were both severely imflammed and infected. He sent us on our way with a prescription. We went down the road to Kroger and the bad news followed us. 

They were out of it. "Ok. Can you call another one?" The pharmacist called 4 different pharmacies, all of which were "out" of it. How can you be out of an important antibiotic? But, whatever. She then calls the doctor back and explains the situation and asks if he wants to change her to a different one altogether. He prescribes her a word I can't even pronounce. All I know is that it had Sulfa in it. Or at least, now I know this. I thought nothing of it, just paid for the medicine and headed back. 

Ady pitched absolute fits each time I'd give her the medicine. She is usually an excellent medicine taker so I couldn't quite figure out what the deal was. I now discovered it must be a very "chalky" like medicine with very little flavor. So I continue to give her this medicine that is supposedly helping her. This was Sunday. Monday evening I noticed at dinner she was breaking out on the back of her neck, ear, and shoulders. I initially thought it was from the dress she had on. Prior to leaving, my mom had given me her "Kohl's Cash" to use and I had found her a couple sundresses. I didn't have time to wash them. But, as the night progressed and I changed her I then realized that couldn't be it. Ady doesn't have sensitive skin. I can use the same detergent for her clothes on ours, so it just didn't make sense. 

After a call to my mom, her doctor, the pharmacist, and anyone else I could think of who would listen to me, we decided to wait it out and just see. The next morning it didn't seem any worse, but it wasn't gone. Then I got to thinking it was a reaction to the sun. The bottle did say something on it about avoiding prolonged exposures to the sun. And I remember reading it and thinking, "yeah right" :) So, I assumed that was it. That day we tried (as best we could) to keep her shaded, but with a toddler who only knows one mode of transportation-running-it was quite a task. 

She didn't rest any that day and mommy and daddy were on day "I've lost count" of her being up most the night. We went out to a restaurant and within 20 minutes we were in and out the door. On a side note, restaurants are becoming trickier with her. Anything for that matter where she has to sit still is. I know I can't be in the minority here :) Anyways, while we were sitting at dinner and I was trying to contain my wild monkey I noticed her bumps had gone from flat to raised, and were very bumpy. Then, I noticed they were also on her tummy, back, and her legs were becoming swollen. This was looking more like "hives". I started to cry. I was so tired, so sick of talking to nurses, pharmacists, doctors, you name it. I told Joseph I wanted to go take her to a pharmacy and see if they could tell me what to do until at least morning came and I could take her back to Urgent Care. I can remember as he was boxing up our dinner, just praying that they would hear me and that they would cut through any 'red tape' they might need to help. I had remembered passing a Walgreens on the way down, but as soon as we pulled out on the other side of the street I saw a CVS. I literally felt a strong urge to pull across traffic and go there. I walked in looking for the pharmacy and then walked right past a door wide open with a sign above that read "Walk in Clinic". I walked past it at first, then turned, saw the doctor, and said, "I need to speak with you." She sat up from her chair, and came towards me. Little did she know she met a momma who was ready to fight for an answer. 

I explain the situation and I was sobbing. I mean, sobbing. I didn't even tell her I was pregnant. She probably thought I was a blubbering idiot. I didn't care. I just let the tears fall. She looked at her shoulder and said it was a heat rash. She even had Joseph agreeing with her. I gave him the "look". Haha :) I then explained that it was spreading and it was increasing. She then said, "Well she's been in the sand, heat all over her, etc, etc." I said very, very strongly, "No. I am not leaving until you look at her. I have talked to so many people I can't even think straight. Something is not right. I am her mother. I know. Please." She happened to look at her leg when Ady turned her body and said, "Wait a second, this is swollen, and this is not looking like a rash." I wanted to say "Duh". But, I didn't. She said, "Sign her in!" The quick sign in process was painless and easy and when we went in to talk with her she did a thorough exam. All of the time, which, Ady screamed. Can you blame her? The poor thing had been put through it. She determines that she has had an allergic reaction. Her exact words were "Throw that bottle away now. I would be scared to ever give it to her again." My mental thoughts are, "Yes, Exactly, what her mother thought when this conversation began..." But the story doesn't stop there. 

She then checks her ears to see that they are still infected. Her throat is still inflammed, but Ady is so inconsolable that she doesn't even bother to swab her for strep again. She then says, "You know, it just dawned on me that Sulfa doesn't even kill the strep or ear infection. It is a bactrum used to treat urinary tract infections." How nice. You better believe Beach Urgent Care will be getting a letter from me. To say "irate" to describe my emotions doesn't even come close. This doctor prescribes her Augmentin, which she has had before. She sends us on our merry way. I thank her, and cry again, and she turns to Joseph and says, "Any questions?" She didn't have the softest heart, to say the least :) 

I start her on the new antibiotic Wednesday morning. This is the part where if you're still following me (and congratulations on making it this far, my faithful readers), but if you are not a parent, please don't read on. It's graphic and a lot of information that you will roll your eyes at and be disguisted with. She begins having diarrhea quite frequently, but I think nothing of it. By Thursday she had had so much again that I was just thinking it was medicine. We were traveling that day. On Friday, I counted, and 13 times she did. She had the most awful, painful, sad, looking diaper rash that words can not even begin to describe. It encompassed such a vast area that you can't even imagine. And, on top of it it was so raw, it was bleeding. At 4:45 Friday, I called her pediatrician's office. They prescribed her an ointment to give her every 4 hours as well as Maalox dabbed on a cotton swab and then coating that with A&D ointment (in case you mommy's out there ever need to know). She cried a cry I've never heard before. I've heard her pain cry before, but this was the "excruciating, burning, mommy make it stop cry." I had tears in my eyes as I was dabbing her sweet little bottom. (Let me also tell you we were told to take her diaper off. I'll spare you the details. Just imagine a puppy running through your home with a stomach bug. Joseph and I were running like wild banches cleaning up all types of things on our floor. It was so funny. The things we do for those we love). :) 

Her dr wanted to see her this morning. I was given instructions to stop the antibiotic, so as of this morning she had not had a dose in 24 hours. However, since the Sulfa did nothing to treat the infections, she had technically only been on medicine for 2.5 days. So lovely. The dr checked her rash and said, "This is better?" Again, you can not even imagine how bad it was. It looked much better today, but it still looks awful. He then explained that if we don't continue to treat the strep with antibiotics, it could turn into rheumatic heart failure, so he prescribed her Amoxicillian to take. (Are you with me here? That's 3 prescriptions in  6 days. And 4 doctor visits.) He said the amount of diarrhea she was having was grounds for concern. Also, I was confused since she had been on Augmentin before. Apparently there is on "old" kind still prescribed, the one that she was in fact given, and it has a stronger dose of one of the ingredients in it that is very damaging to the GI tract. He assured me that when they prescribe Augmentin, it's the "new" (which he said is only 5 years "new") medicine, so any fears about the future were dismissed. I was concerned, however because Ady has had strep 4 times. 2 more times and he says the tonsils come out and we go to the ENT. I had a lot of problems with my ears as a young child, as well as numerous surgeries. I even had a tumor growing that was removed when I was in 7th grade, I had my eardrum "rebuilt", both eardrums ruptured twice, etc, etc. I so hope that Ady doesn't have to walk this road. But, we'll cross that if we get to it. Until then, I'll just pray her sweet little throat stays well. 

This vacation wasn't exactly a "vacation". But, what I learned is, it's life. We were by ourselves in a strange town and things were just wild. I learned more things in the last 7 days than I even knew possible. Ady is such a good baby. I mean, such a good baby. To have experienced all the trauma the last week (and trauma is a nice word for what she went through last night), and to still be able to smile and laugh just makes me so proud. 

She had a great time on the trip. She learned to count to 7 :) She can now sing all of Twinkle, Twinkle and knows her ABC's. When we were leaving the doctor's office this morning she said, "TWO!!" And there was a door with the number 2 on it :) Makes this teacher proud. I love watching her learn and explore. Each day she says new words. She is very expressive. There is never a question of what she is trying to tell me she wants. I am savoring each second because time is just passing too quickly. I'll leave you with some pictures highlighting our trip:

 It really was a great time because no matter how bad situations  are, I have some wonderful people to call family that make life so worth living :)

Overjoyed.

Well, the cat is finally out of the bag. That's right. Baby #2 is set to arrive in late September/early October. :)

Overjoyed. There really isn't a better word I can think of right now to describe what I'm feeling. Most you know via my blog that our struggle to have Ady was nothing short of a miracle. We knew that we were not guaranteed her. So, when I found out I was pregnant again, I was really shocked. Here's the story....

Not long after Ady was born we began talking and trying for another one. I was just so very confident that God would come through again, but He didn't. At least not in my time. Month after month was more disappointment and tears as I put a smile on my face to the rest of the world like I was all put together. I can vividly remember late last September being balled up on the floor crying out in so much pain. Joseph made me promise to him that if the next month I was still feeling like that I'd go back to the doctor. The next month came and the only difference was, it was worse. So, I swallowed my pride and I went not in any way prepared for what she was going to tell us.

She did an ultrasound that found some alarming things. For one, my left ovary had moved completely out of alignment. She mentioned it twice during the exam and with great concern made it known I needed surgery. I was in so much pain and she needed to find out what else might have been going on too. That month, for some reason, I was so confident it was the month I'd get pregnant. And my appointment fell during my fertile time. I was so excited for her to be able to tell me if I had already ovulated yet or was close. And in a matter seconds my excitement was shattered into a million little pieces.

She said, "Oh, you're not ovulating. You....don't." The room was spinning. Luckily Ady was playing with the nurse up front. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I held myself together. She went on to explain that my body tries, but for some reason it is incapable of "completing" the task. She assumed this was the PCOS with the endometriosis. She knew my history of the surgeries before and stressed the urgency for me to have this surgery sooner, rather than later.

Thankfully, Joseph walked in at the tail end of the exam. She explained to us the best and worst case scenarios. Best case-she'd clean me out, remove all the cysts, endometriosis, etc. However, she was alarmed by the moving of my ovary and had some suspicions that perhaps something more serious was growing pushing it out of the way. She prepared us for that. She prepared me pretty strongly that she would remove my left ovary. And of course, the worst case-if she got in there and things were just way worse than before and more serious things growing, then there'd be no other option but a hysterectomy. As she was walking out of the room, she turned to Joseph and very adamately said, "She needs this surgery....now." I wanted to run, but I couldn't. I wanted to back out. But I couldn't. I did all I knew how. And that was to pick up my little Ady and head for home.

Joseph tried to talk on the way out the door and I just couldn't. By the time we ate dinner and were finally settled, I just sobbed. I couldn't put into words what I was feeling. Frustration, confusion, fear, anxiety, jealousy, anger, hurt, disappointment, pain....so, so much pain; more so emotional than physical. I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. For a few moments I allowed myself to fall apart and go through the "why's" and the "it's not fair's". But, then I pulled myself together and prayed. I can remember calling my grandmother a few days after my appointment and just crying on the phone when I began explaining what was going on. She reminded me that "Rebekah, you were not even promised Ady. You asked God for just one, and He gave her to you. There is some reason you are going through this. You must always be thankful that you got one little miracle."

I cried for days. I prayed for days too. But by the time surgery day came, I was at peace. God knew my heart and He knew that I was at peace regardless what He chose to do. I knew I would praise Him no matter what the outcome was. I can't describe what I felt that November morning, but all I can say is I had "the peace that passes all understanding". I was so calm. So calm, in fact, that I had been given no medicine. She came in to talk with me before the surgery and explained everything again, then promised me she'd take good care of me and do everything in her power to get me another sweet baby like Ady. I was fine until I was wheeled away. It was all a little too close for comfort as I was laid on the operating table and saw scalpels and heard monitors and saw all sorts of things I was fearful of. There was no medicine in my body yet, and I wished for it. I kept thinking I was going to be cut open with nothing. The anesthesiologist asked me to close my eyes and breathe into the mask. I was so terrified I wouldn't close my eyes. He asked me 3 or 4 times to do it. Then, my precious little doctor came over and held my hand, rubbed my arm, while I had tears pouring down my face. She said, "I'm going to take REALLY good care of you." And that was the last thing I remembered. Praise God for comforting doctors when we most need them.

I woke up hours later with good and bad news. She had explained to Joseph that she didn't have to do a hysterectomy, she was able to fix a lot. However, the scarring and endometriosis had damaged my left tube so much that it was closed. She tried multiple times during the surgery to get it to open and it wouldn't. My left ovary was completely attached and stuck to my colon and covered in dozens of cysts that were successfully burned off. Yet, so much damage had already been done that it was deemed "unusable". Therefore, I had one working side. And the clock was ticking before the right side would be gone too. She found problems with my colon. Throughout the surgery it had multiple spasms and she explained that I have a form of IBS, one that causes strictly excruciating back pain from the colon having spasms. Certain foods I eat irritate it. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted to understand why I had random bouts of very, very awful back pain over the last 4 years. (And would like to send records to the 8 doctors I saw who told me THIS was all in my head! Good thing I'm stubborn!)

I recovered pretty quickly and went to see her right after Christmas. Prior to our visit, I had just found out our insurance wasn't going to cover the fertility drugs I "needed" for my body to ovulate. After a lot of tears and prayers, we had just decided that we weren't going to take them. We firmly felt that God had granted us Ady, and that it just wasn't what He had planned to take expensive medicines that may or may not work. She explained again all that she found. She then expressed the urgency to conceive. Her exact words were, "You've got less than 6 months." The clock was ticking. She was very confident that it wouldn't be long before I no longer had any working side. She then stressed that my body was not even capable of ovulating on the side I had "left", but since we told her drugs were not in our plan, then, just....maybe. The chance was there, but it was incredibly slim. You know, as in the "1 in a million shot" chance. And not only the 1 in a million, but it was now twice as hard to conceive with just one side. I was already at such peace that there was no place for another baby in our lives. But, I was very wrong.

I prayed fervently for God to lay on my heart His plan. I was at complete peace with adopting, and had even begun talking about adoption agencies and had some leads. I never, not in a million years, expected to conceive, and so quickly! I found out in late January after I had been so so so sick. I kept it a secret from Joseph for almost a week. I was just in denial. I was also scared. I run a significantly high miscarriage rate and just wanted to make sure all was okay. Thankfully, I take a pill every day to keep this sweet baby safe and he/she is doing perfecto :)

I didn't even tell my family until I was already 7 weeks along. I videod the moment they opened the pink and blue card that read:

"I'm your gift, but I'll be a little late.
8 months to be exact.
October's my due date"

It was one of the most precious moments I've ever witnessed. Lots and lots and LOTS of tears and cheers! :) And, gotta love technology, after it finished recording, my phone froze and deleted it. Oh well, it's engrained in my mind forever :) We told Joseph's family one Sunday afternoon at Claudia Sanders. Ady wore her "Big Sister to Be" shirt. Once she took her jacket off, it took a while for everyone to get it, but once they did it was all smiles (and some tears too!)

Here is the belly at 14 weeks. WHOA!



I had Ady 3 weeks early. My water broke and in one hour I went from 3cm to fully dilated and she was coming out. I can remember the nurse telling me, "I know you don't want to think about another baby right now, but you better camp out at the hospital for the next one! You have just delivered a baby in RECORD time!" There's a lot of anxiety I have about this baby. I surely didn't follow the "norm" when it came to first deliveries. I am due October 10, but she expects this baby late September. Ady and her brother or sister will be just exactly 2 years apart. I find out April 26 what I'm having. But, of course we're going to torture all of our friends and family and make them wait for our Gender Reveal Party several days later. :) Ady gets to spill the beans at this one! She has the most precious little heart and I know she will be the best big sister ever.

I am trying to savor every second of this pregnancy, because we know it won't last forever. And we know that this will probably be our last biological child. I plan on having a house full of children from every race and tribe all over :) But, I do love the feeling of being pregnant. I have been pretty lucky this time around. I dealt with some pretty bad morning sickness the first few weeks, had a scare in the ER from severe dehydration from food poisoning last week, but aside from exhaustion from running with a busy toddler, (and the ever expanding waistline), I'd never really know I was pregnant.

I don't want the next few months to end. I just want to bottle them up forever. I have already felt many kicks, jabs, and flutters (much sooner this time around!) to remind me of this new life growing inside of me. (And the doctors have already commented this baby is W-I-L-D, as was Ady in the womb. We'll have our hands full soon :)). We trust that God has a huge plan for our lives. He may see fit to grant us more than we ever could dream (I always think of Abraham and Sarah), but we also know that He has already done more than we truly EVER could have asked or imagined.

My heart aches, deeply, for people who were never able to one time experience what I have. While I can't understand the rationale behind God's decisions for our lives, I do know that He is Sovereign and that His way is always better. There are moments I am so deeply overcome with emotion that there is nothing else I can do but cry and just thank Him. How did this happen? I was assured in 2010 that there would never be a baby for me. And now? I'll have two!

It sounds so simple to tell someone to just have faith. But as the Bible clearly states, "Faith without works is dead." I am so far from where God intends me to be, each day I fall short. But through our deep, deep seasons of suffering, I have come to understand exactly what that passage means. It doesn't mean that I expect Him to answer me my way (usually He doesn't). It also doesn't mean that I am always happy and don't allow my emotions to be known before Him. What it does mean, is that you never stop trusting Him. I can not even recall the number of days when I would do my quiet time and I would literally just show up and cry. There were sometimes no words to say. He knew my heart. I prayed many, many times for Him to remove my "cups" of pain and our suffering. When I found out I'd never have Ady, I was devastated. This time around, I did ache so much. However, I looked at what I did have.....Ady. And I truly, for probably the first time ever in my life, let go of my plan. And He showed up.

I prayed in early January for God to reveal Himself to me in a big way this year. And never, not even once, was a baby on my mind when I wrote that in my journal. I actually was praying about something completely different when I said that prayer. I did have faith that He could give us another one, but I had come to such peace that His plan was different and I trusted Him enough to move on. Sometimes when we stop trying to plan, He then shows us something so far greater. Would I still praise Him if I weren't pregnant? Of course. My circumstances can't change who He is. And through years of dealing with experiences I never dreamed possible, I have come to understand that better. He is still good even when life is not.

I can't believe that I am actually pregnant! This baby and Ady are such wonderful examples of the faithfulness of the Lord. Through a lot of pain, a lot of waiting, a lot of surgery, a lot of expense, and a whole lot of faith, two little miracles will be mine to hold. What a day of rejoicing that will be! :)

I never could have imagined the ride He would have taken Joseph and I on over the last 4 years. To say we suffered is to put it mildly. But, our suffering has not been in vain. Our King has won and there IS coming a day when He will wipe every tear from our eyes and say, "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have fought the good fight. Welcome home." For the rest of my life, I want these 2 precious children entrusted to me to know that they have a Father who could not even begin to imagine this world without them in it, and He took drastic measures to bring them here.

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."John 13:7